Monday, February 8, 2010
A multitude of lightbulbs illuminating
I think I think too much. I can turn around entire situations by overthinking things. I have put myself through a good amount of misery by doubting and believing and deciding and changing my mind with every blink.
Sometimes I really want to kill my stupid, paranoid brain.
My blog is a good thing, a place where I can ramble mindlessly without worrying what I'm talking about, or why. I used to care more, but suddenly my mind has more important things to attend to, and the blog that used to be the center of my personal universe is now just an accessory to my life, a little embellishment, a sprinkling of glitter on the edges.
Speaking of which, please vote on the new poll, because I actually want to see some answers for this one. Do pictures make this blog any better at all? For this post I wasn't really sure what went with the topic, so I tried to look... curious. Curious--wondering--thinking...? Whatever.
So, I'm really craving a little snow these days.
I know, Jenny. You live on the coast of California. You never see snow, unless you travel up or, as it turns out, down. But snow is so pretty and bundle-up-y. School and softball keep me pretty busy, and I crave an excuse to stay in bed, stay in my head, watch the snow drift and feel my spirits lift. I never feel like facing the world when it's freezing out. I cling to my bedclothes in the morning as if I were clutching the corner of a cliff with fingers weak enough to slip.
The frigid days send my spirit out of my skin, my nerves close off, and I draw into myself. Wintertime can be beautiful, but my skin is paler than the moon and my heart has frozen solid. I think maybe I'm ready for little sunlight.
(Both literally and figuratively)