Sunday, June 7, 2009

This girl is a failure.

I failed the project. I felt like jumping off a cliff.
But as I sat there mourning and staring desolately at the PIV, at the B burning a hateful zouo into the screen, wondering how all my effort could have amounted to something so lowly, it occurred to me that getting a B on a project was not a huge problem compared to all the tragedies of the world. There are people starving in Argentina. There are men with wives and children getting kicked out of their houses because they can’t pay the mortgage, and end up on the streets. When I went to Mexico, there were little kids everywhere peddling gum and trinkets for money, or just plain begging because there was no way otherwise to get it. There are little kids in China working under horrible conditions in factories making Happy Meal toys and getting paid two cents an hour. Some people in Africa dig holes in the dirt and sleep there simply because there is just nowhere else to go. There are alcoholic mothers who come home late at night, drunk, and beat their children until they wail and bleed when they see they haven’t gone to bed but were instead sitting in the moonlight waiting for their mommy to arrive.
Earning a B on a project? Not so bad. As much as I tried to look at it that way, though, the burning shame of failure was nestled into my gut and there to stay. I guess we’re all going to fail sometime or other. It’s part of life, right? I should accept that I suck at everything and will never do anything right. This project just proved it. My consolation is that I still have an A in the class, and an A in all the rest of them. But on this project, I have a B.
Ugh. I'm going to continue this post in a few days or so. Assuming I don't go hang myself on a curtain cord. (Just kidding!)
Okay, the continuation, as promised. I've been kind of busy with construction stuff. For the last few days I worked on assembling and building the vanity for the bathroom, and also "caulking." Caulk is this weird rubbery stuff that you squirt and smooth over edges. Whatever it is, my daddy says I'm an expert at it. And my daddy don't lie. But today, I had free time, so I went TOILETRY SHOPPING! Yeah. I walked to Long's and bought a super-cute little deodorant stick that's like, two inches tall, and also some Exfoliating Power-Clear Scrub, to be decanted into a smaller container. (Which is soap to be slathered upon the face, to prevent acne.) I wanted to buy a cutesy travel-size sunscreen, too, but they were all quite expensive, and I needed money left over to buy oriental chicken salad at P.W. :)
Anyway, I constructed a packing list, then kept adding things in the margins, so I rewrote the whole thing. But then I still kept adding on, so rewrote it again. Did you know you're only allowed to bring one quart-bag's worth of liquids with you? I found that out on the TSA website. I couldn't even fit all my little soap-bottles and stuff in there, after a good fifteen minutes of rearranging and cramming. Bleh. I still have more packing to do, though: I'm not going to put in the clothes until the last minute, because I might want to wear them. plus, there're some things I need to mooch off my sister. (I don't have seventeen day's worth of clothes... not even ten day's worth! Eek!) I should have bought something at Long's to bribe her with. Oh well. Maybe I'll go again another day.
So anyway, sorry for not posting for so long. I feel guilty, but caulking is importanter, right?


Alyssa said...

dudeeee congrats on getting the B!!! we got an A-!

Jeni said...

It was a very low B.