Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I made my mommy a bouquet of tissue-paper flowers, a very heartfelt card, and a batch of oatmeal cookies, her favorite. Then I vacuummed, scrubbed bathrooms, mopped floors, washed windows, and did other such cleaning and housework while my sister did yard work. I’m more of a scrub-brush/Clorox kinda gal than a weed-trimmers/lawnmower-type person, if you know what I mean. It sounds so dirty when I say that. “If you know what I mean.” Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. It’s not like that, people. Sometimes I just don’t make sense, so I acknowledge it by tacking that phrase at the end of any logic- or sense-missing sentence. The antidote didn’t quite carve out any misunderstanding between the seven giraffes, so the lilac field pretty much had to scoot over, if you know what I mean. See? Just an innocent gang of words. But when I’m actually moving my lips and vibrating the vocal cords, it usually comes out as “know what I’m saying?” Or “know what I’m saying here?” Or “know what I’m talking about?”
My sister and I went to the mall today. I didn’t want to go, because I was planning to go hiking today. But her birthday is tomorrow, so I kind of had to, you know? It’s her birthday, the girl gets what she gosh-darn wants!! Anyway. We took the bus. There was only one other guy in the bis on our way there. He exuded weirdo vibes at the stop, shuffling around a lot and doing weird things with his hands. Like, he would touch his left thumb to his right pinky and then lace his fingers all around each other, then detangling the hand-maze one finger at a time. It was, you know. Weird. The bus was empty when we got on. The sis and I chose a seat two seats down from the driver. Finger-Lacer sat right behind the driver. About as soon as he sat down, he took a bag of Sun-Chips from the backpack thing he was wearing and started munching. He chewed with too much gusto. He coudn’t be pleased with simply biting down on the chip, he had to ferociously clamp his teeth down on each helpless crispy snack. The result was a mighty CRUNCH that seemed almost ear-shattering in the silence of the empty (besides the driver, sista, me, and Finger-Lacer) bus. I could actually hear his teeth clack once they tore through the chip and hit each other. I don’t know if you’re allowed to eat in the bus, but the driver sure didn’t care. It’s not like he could have just not noticed it, with all the gnashing and gnawing going on a few feet away from his ear canals. Canal. Now that is an unattractive word if I ever heard one. Say it aloud. Come on now, don’t be shy. Canal. That, my friends, is an ugly, ugly word. They should never have come up with that word. Actually, it sounds better if you say, I don’t know, Panama Canal. But think of ear canals, people, or root canals. Then “canal” sounds gross. Especially the disgusting phrase “root canal.” That is possibly the most unattractive combination of words ever to meet my poor, poor ears.
On a completely unrelated but woeful and blogworthy subject... Proggy Citizee is tomorrow. I dread the day. I have to stand there. And talk. To a bunch of... people. And I have to answer. Their questions. And I think maybe. I’m using too many. Periods. Anyway... what if I don’t know the answers to their questions? Or I forget my speech? A big fat hulking chunk of my grade depends on this stupid stupid stupid Project Citisen. It’s really unfair, because the only ones who are going to get A’s are the team leaders. They have it made. The rest of us, we’re going to fail this thing. On the “survey” they handed out before this whole stupid stupid stupid thing, I answered “no” to “Are you interested in being a team leader?” I didn’t know that meant “Are you interested in earning a surefire A?” Then it would have been yes all the way. I really hope I don’t screw up. To ensure this, I am going to tie my hair up into a dorky low side ponytail, don my glasses, and wear flat shoes. This is so I will appear smart, sensible, sure, strong... and I ran out of “s” adjectives there. Since the only people who read this blog are involved n Project Citizen... I wish you all luck! Fingers crossed! Four-leaf-clovers plucked! *blows kisses*