Thursday, April 2, 2009

Career Day

April Fool’s! Today was not Career Day. It was Attitude For Achievement day. I really don’t feel like recounting all the little details of the event, but the internet is still BROKEN anyway, so who cares? We all took a personality quiz to see what type of person we all were. I am Analytical. I am quiet and withdrawn, I pay attention to details, I like facts and figures. That’s what the quiz said, not me. So I suppose I should be, like, an engineer or accountant or something. Too bad, suckas, I’m still gonna be an editor. Speaking of “I’m gonna,” I was reintroduced to John Goddard today. He wrote down a whole bunch of stuff he wanted to do in his lifetime, then did it. He climbed mountains and kayaked rivers and studied ancient languages and visited a zillion different places in a zillion different countries and all that. We were supposed to be awed, inspired, and “wow-I-can-do-that-too,” but I am Analytical and reasonable. Who in the world has the moola to fly to all these countries? To buy all the survival equipment to explore all these rivers and rainforests, climb all those mountains, and everything? This guy must be the richest dude in the world. I am so serious.
Anyway, I did make a list of impossible “goals,” just for fun. Here it is:
  • Learn to write and speak Mayan
  • Touch the bottom of the ocean
  • Place a bed on surface of a lake or pond. Nap on bed.
  • Ride a cheetah.
  • Ride a dolphin.
  • Ride an exceptionally large snake.
  • Sleep on top of a big furry polar bear.
  • Stand on the equator and see if it’ll take me all around the world.
  • Travel to North and South poles. Drive red and white striped poles on either end.
  • Create a large air bubble in the Pacific ocean and become a legal citizen of said bubble.
  • Learn to flamenco dance in Madrid.
  • Set up a new system of government in a government-less country. Appoint a feline as president.
  • Go to Pluto (Asteroid 85347 or whatever) and put up a flag that says: WE MISS YOU! IT COST A LOT OF MONEY TO REPRINT ALL THOSE SCIENCE TEXTBOOKS!
Who decided to make Pluto a non-planet anyway? It always seemed so cute and shy: the furthest planet, the smallest planet. I think if I were ever to marry a planet, it would be Pluto. So basically, the same gang of scientists that decided Pluto was too dainty to be a planet was the gang of scientists killed my husband. That is so not cool.

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