Saturday, November 29, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are bloated on turkey and pie.
Almost all of our relatives live in Palm Springs, way south of us, in the middle of the desert. Every year we take the million-hour drive down in our cramped car in the dry heat of the desert. By the way, when I say desert, I don’t mean saguaros and tumbleweeds everywhere. We don’t like, ride camels or charm cobras or anything. It is a very urban part of Palm Springs. Everybody there is rich, pretty much, including my aunt and uncle. We usually have this big fat feast at Thanksgiving that my aunt whips up, but this year it was in a restaurant. Not the kind where you order your food, though... they had it all set up like a buffet. Most of it was seafood, though, but I got my fill of mashed potatoes... and turkey and cooked carrots and bread rolls.
And mint jelly. Do you know what that is? It’s delicious. It’s most unattractive substance, a jiggly goop with a bright garish green color. It was served in a big crystal bowl. A clean serving spoon laid untouched next to the juggernaut of a dish. Nobody wanted to spread this goo on their turkey? Not surprising. I stare for another moment at it, then plunge the spoon into the center. Ewww. The sensation is similar to stabbing a vat on alien brains. Well, I love mint. It can’t be that bad.
Okay, well, now you’re probably thinking that it was disgusting. Or bad, or okay. But you are WRONG. Suspicious, I dipped one tine of my fork into the little pool of martian snot and touched it to the very tip of my tongue. Bemoaning disgust, I reached for my glass of water and brought it to my lips. But wait. But waitaminute. But waitonetinylittlesecond. This stuff is good! It tastes like, well, toothpaste. But stronger, and more... uh, clear, or something. Sort of like a liquid breath mint. Being a person not unaccustomed to squeezing toothpaste on my forefinger and licking it off, this, to me, was a delicacy. Nummy nummy nummy.
The next day was Annual Barbecue at Uncle Randy’s House and Black Friday shopping. Barbecque was nice, but we forgot to bring food. We all got there, and then realized nobody had brought hamburger patties, veggie burgers, or buns. So we had to go to the grocery store, and then come back. Black Friday shopping pretty much sucked. There weren’t any sales, really. At least not any worth being titled a “doorbuster.” I can’t beleive that Wal-Mart thing. They literally busted the door... and that poor employee. They killed a guy just to get a good deal? Welcome to America. It doesn’t matter, though, because I can’t spend any money anyway. I have to save up for the Happy News. Don’t worry, though, y’allre still getting your Christmas gifts. =)
Did you hear about the two guys at the checkout of a Toys-R-Us in Palm Springs on Friday? They started shooting each other, and they both died. Well, I was in Palm Springs on Friday, and I was in the mall. Guess where the mall is? Just across the street from the Toys-R-Us. THAT Toys-R-Us, the one with the guys shooting each other. The shooting was in the morning, though, and we went to the mall in the afternoon.

So, that’s it. Bye.

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